Parasocial Surrogacy: When Easy Bonds Replace the Hard Ones

Lately I’ve been thinking about how we, as humans, seem to be increasingly likely to slide into relationships with things… digital characters, AI companions, pets, even inanimate objects… when relationships with people feel too complex, challenging, or fraught with risk.

Traditionally you might call it displacement, substitution of attachment, or compensatory attachment. I like the phrase parasocial surrogacy… a low-friction (and attractively priced) alternative to the messy business of human connection.

It seems to be showing up more and more:

• A child bonds with a movie character or toy because parents and mentors feel unavailable.

• An adult pours love into a pet or garden instead of facing the vulnerability and complexity of building a new partnership.

• People turn toward AI chatbots, digital influencers, and algorithm-shaped brands, experiencing emotional bonds that feel safe not just because they're readily available but possibly because they’re one-sided and customized to produce maximum engagement.

But then what happens when the characters change or the garden withers or the algorithm is updated, as we've recently seen with ChatGPT 5, and that parasocial bond is broken? The impact can be as real and devastating as the loss of an actual living being.

This fascinates me because it sits at the crossroads of so many of my interests… storytelling, technology, psychology, and the future of human connection. The through-line of these interests for me is always the same: how we connect, what we value, and how easily we can be tricked into investing ourselves into something that looks and feels authentic but is ultimately diverting or extracting energy that might be more meaningfully applied elsewhere. The growing problem, my inner alarmist tells me, is that while this tendency to anthropomorphize inanimate objects has always been with us, AI makes this substitution more available, more tailored, and more seductive than ever.

It’s not enough to simply point out a concern, they say... we need to at least try to identify and work toward solutions. For me, maybe that looks like lowering the bar for positive real-world engagement, reducing the risks of opening ourselves up to each other, or raising the rewards for genuine connection... or all of the above. My instinct is that what we need to do, put simply, is to begin the process of de-gamifying reality... because it feels like there are forces actively widening the gaps between us, exploiting our own instincts to make sure the easy substitute for meaningful connection tends to win... and that can't be good for us in the long run.

(this post was written in conjunction with ChatGPT 5 based on a history of my own writings and my very real thoughts and concerns about this topic. I have removed the em dashes for your reading convenience)